Sing it to the tune of the Beatles Eleanor Rigby...
Dishes sparked a discussion of sorts (really it was not a fight) this morning before Marty left. They were pretty stacked. I was out yesterday most of the day and the kids at school. Then one fell asleep right after getting home and the other was fighting a cold and I still had dinner to make late in the day creating yet again more to add to the pile. Then I sat with Marty to watch a 2 hour, 2nd day, new season of 24. (Yes I was shocked and sickened at the end- in fact woke up thinking about it in the night) After the show, I helped with homework.
Did you know you can build not only trash sculpture by strategic placement of trash in the can that really is already full, but dish sculptures as well? Even with washed dishes on the dish drainer. Artsy minds in avoidance mode...
Any way the discussion began something like this:
Marty to me: What are you going to do today? as we stood in the kitchen near the sink.
Pause there one second ladies because I almost always react poorly to this question! If not outwardly then certainly inwardly. I have, however, been listening to CDs in my car as I am DOING what I have to DO in order for kids to get places, food to be brought from afar proverbs 31 like, cars oil changed, chiro apt ect. These CDs are on communication differences in marriage and I am realizing now that this many years old question asked in our 32 years of marriage is likely not meant as "You never do anything! Look at these dishes and we have a huge pile of papers to organize and so on and so forth..." which is how I hear it.
Perhaps my husband has really just been interested in what I plan for my day. You know. Maybe because I am his wife he wants to be involved and just know about my day. This is not to say he wants all the details I would like to give him because he is a guy not a gal and just wants the overview at that point. (Another thing that is frustrating if I let it be.)
So with that in mind I can pivot in my response. I can assume the best of him and respond without malice or defending myself like a hissing cat. I can be matter of fact and look for conversation later on instead of harboring resentment all day long about the brevity and the question. I can let our day start well and set the tone for us all to be blessed. And then I can get going with the dishes and the rest of the stuff in my day. Which I did just for the record.
The wise woman builds her house
The foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1
I want my house built and strong and secure. I do not want to do or say things that weaken it...so I will look for God to give me wisdom and keys that unlock understanding. Just that little turn of the key, that bit of understanding the difference between how we communicate can make the difference between building or tearing. In this series the speaker describes it as men hearing, seeing, doing, thinking "blue" not wrong or bad just different from women. And women hear, see, do, and think "pink". Not better. Not wrong or right in comparison to men. Just different from each other. And we need to adjust to one anothers differences in how we are wired. But in this case I am responsible to handle the information I am given. The series is by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.
No comments:
Post a Comment