Temper Tantrums (the 57 year old kind)

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control...from Galatians 5:22

Does anyone like the two year old's tantrum? The answer is apparent and if you do you are a rare person.

Generally a two year old is responding to being told to do something or give up something they think they really, really, really want to have or do, or on the other hand yield to something they do NOT want to do. So we may get that concept, but even so the tantrum is not acceptable behavior.

Now how about a 57 year old woman's tantrum? Even uglier! Yesterday I had what looking back on it today was really just a tantrum....Oh and I should be honest and let you know it was right before getting ready for church. There seems to be this running theme the past couple of weeks of having to let go of my rights to things, the way I like things to happen and also my pride which is likely one of the biggest issues when we get down to it. Which, I have been discovering, appears to be pretty thoroughly woven into my life fabric.

By yesterday I was ready to blame my HUSBAND for at least some of the crazy happenings going on...(anyone remember the verse that plainly tells us "we wrestle not with flesh and with blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places"Ephesians 6:12) He is clearly "flesh and blood " but I was waging war with him even so.

Two crazy weeks of "mishaps" with my little Malibu's engine blowing up and being declared to be a two thousand dollar repair (the little Malibu I am still paying on and is no longer under warranty) all
within days after my sons car for whatever reason (still to be discovered) stopped running; just began the line up of circumstances. Circumstances which were pretty much, though not all, outside of my control and bringing to mind the movie "Money Pit". My own little internal engine blew up unfortunately,and my husband was the undeserving recipient. Not attractive as my friend Nancy would say. I will say also that God worked through a friend and her husband, who stepped in after week one loaning us a car until mine is working so easing some of the strain on the family.

This emotional explosion the day following my teaching at a our School of Ministry on cell groups and how to have one where I the teacher turned it into a mini therapy session for me, at least that's how I see it looking back. Yes, I am embarrassing myself left and right because the night before that at the womens group I am one of the leaders of I poured out some of my woe even as I was really trying to minister to others..God help me this confession is not pretty!

So what's a woman to do? I was reasoning with myself. I was telling myself principles from God's word and praying and still reached a limit where I was pretty seriously thinking I needed to step down and out of all leadership positions at least until we could get this stuff in order. Strangely, or should I say divinely, enough yesterdays sermon was titled Stepping Down. Obviously I am not the one with all the answers here but this is the direction I plan to take:

1) When I am tempted to act ugly and even think I have a right to be spewing my point I will remember the following and plead with God to help me act accordingly Love is paitient, love is kind, love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2) I will remember who my real enemy is even as I discuss the difference of opinion I may have with my husband and as I grapple with the trying circumstances we find ourselves in because it is "we" not just me seeing as we are married and all.

3) I will forgive myself for past mistakes in my attitude and actions and any other person who may be contributor to the problems we are experiencing and ask for forgiveness from those my attitudes have spilled over on like so much hot lava from a volcano so I can move forward...not get stuck...not move backwards...

4) I will look for God's promised wisdom for ways to bring correction and resolution to the circumstances I need to change, and for His miracles in the places beyond my control. I will compose myself like an adult not a two year old. In other words, instead of like a cat in a cat fight, like a Christian (a Christ follower) leaving peace, not turmoil in my wake.